Thursday, February 16, 2012

ways to pass time when you have pneumonia...


eat, or not eat. (mostly the latter.)

fondly reminisce about oxygen.

make up lots jokes along the lines of “Oh my god I can *not* believe that I fucking have pneumonia. how the fuck did this happen!”

stop for a minute to catch my breath.

unleash cunning trans woman sense of humor when chest-xray-technician repeatedly asks me: “so you’re absolutely sure your not pregnant, right?”

recall how, as a young child, I thought that the medical condition pneumonia and the chemical ammonia were somehow interrelated.

fondly reminisce about deep breaths.

come to appreciate the shorter, shallow breaths, because that’s all the world is offering me now.

pretend that I am exploring a new planet that is much like earth in many ways, except that it has 20% less oxygen.

get used to having all of my laughter quickly devolve into coughing.

marvel at the seemingly infinite amount of phlegm that I am capable of coughing up in the course of a day.

watch news stories about how Rick Santorum has become GOP presidential frontrunner, and realize that my shortness in breath is not due to panic attack, but to my stupid pneumonia.

make more silly jokes and bad puns about pneumonia. that which does not kill us should at least make us giggle a little bit.

did I mention stopping for a minute to catch my breath?


  1. I hope you get well at a rate that is most amenable to your life (who knows, the pneumonia might be doing wonders for something else and you'd like it to persist another week) and that breathing gets more comfortable.

  2. Pretend it's Zen breath meditation?

    Get friends to make your room into a mini jungle of potted plants, for the extra O2?

  3. Get well soon, prof! Not being able to breathe? Been there, done that ... NO FUN.

  4. Loved this.... "I thought that the medical condition pneumonia and the chemical ammonia were somehow interrelated." (might sneak that into a poem somewhere)

  5. Ha! Love it! You had ME gasping for O2, and I don't even have pneumonia!